


Building Bridges

by TOCAD



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Washington Capitals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 02:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TOCAD/pseuds/TOCAD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brooks tries to rebuild things after hitting rock bottom. Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/407039/chapters/672540">Watch Me Burn</a>, in which Brooks gets drunk and bad things happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since Brooks started seeing his counselor, things had started to look better. He stopped drinking and started journaling to keep track of his good days and bad days. Marcus actually came up with the journal thing. Something he did in his teens, but it helped Brooks a lot.

He’d gone through a month and a half of rehab to get him into shape to play, but he did it. Brooks got the nod from the trainers and he would be in the lineup, as promised. Brooks couldn’t wait to see Marcus and tell him the good news, so he called him on his way to the parking garage. “Marcus, they said yes!” he shouted.

“That’s great! Where are you?” Marcus asked, smiling.

“I’m just getting into my car now from Kettler. Can I come over?” Brooks asked. The game wasn’t that night, but sometimes Marcus was picky about when Brooks would come over. It was understandable - they still had their separate lives even though they were a couple.

“Yeah, sure. I was just making meatballs and veggies if you want some lunch,” Marcus answered. Brooks could tell he was smiling by the tone of his voice. He learned to read Marcus’ voice to try and find what Marcus was really thinking since words alone didn’t always add up. Something he learned from his mom.

Brooks drove to Marcus’ place and kissed him as soon as he got in the door. “I’m so happy, Marcus,” he said, peppering Marcus’ face with kisses before clearing his throat. “I mean, yay, hockey!” he joked, making them both laugh.

“I’m proud of you. Six weeks of hard rehab; not that you have any issues going to the gym as it is,” Marcus pointed out.

“Going to the gym is different than the stupid exercises they make you do at Physio. I stand by my bitterness, even though it did get me better,” Brooks smiled.

Brooks stayed the night, sleeping beside Marcus and enjoying the warmth of his body next to him. They were still taking it slow, even if Brooks felt like he was ready to go farther in their relationship. After all they’d been through he wanted to go at Marcus’ pace.

-

Practices went well enough that Brooks was in the line-up for the next game, which he couldn’t wait for. He went home with the intention to have a nap, but he couldn’t sleep. “Hey, Marcus. I know you’re probably napping right now, but I wanted to know what you thought about lunch again today?  I could make some chicken and pasta, if you want. Anyway, just give me a call back. I’m going to try and get some rest.”

The message was kind of lame, but if you add in the five times he dialled and didn’t call, he wasted about five minutes. Brooks took a melatonin tablet that Victoria told him would help him sleep.

The rest came easy after that. Brooks only woke up when his phone rang beside him. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Marcus. Lunch still an option?” Marcus asked. He was smiling again, Brooks could hear it. “Sure, come over in about half an hour?”

Brooks started cooking the pasta and chicken for him and Marcus. It was ready in time for Marcus to show up, so he got out grape juice in wine glasses- something they joked about since he wasn’t drinking anymore- and served their places before seating Marcus at the table.

“This looks great, Brooks,” Marcus complimented. They made some small-talk about the game while they ate, but then Marcus had to go back home. “Early night, hockey tomorrow!”

Hockey tomorrow. That was what Brooks liked to hear. 


	2. Not Ready Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooks' comeback is short-lived.

Brooks closed his eyes as the anthem played. The rink was his home and he was finally there. Standing on the ice, waiting for his first taste of the game he loved – this was it.

“Alright, let’s get em!” Mike called as they lined up for the face off. Puck fell to the ice and Brooks slapped it over to Orlov, who shot it up to Marcus. Starting well, Brooks followed Marcus up the ice and stood in front of the net, waiting for a shot to screen or maybe a rebound.

Marcus passed it to Alex, who went behind the net and passed back to Marcus, whipping it straight to the back of the net. 1-0 on Brooks’ first game, first shift back. They hugged him as they skated to the bench and Marcus gave him an extra smile.

It felt good to be back.

The rest of the game went by fast, Caps were up 3-1, when Brooks was about to take an offensive-zone face off, when they switched it to Lapierre, who’d been on his heels all night.

“How’s it goin’, ginger?” Maxim started. Brooks rolled his eyes and ignored him. “Come on, you don’t want a piece of this, Brooksie? You know you _like_ it,” Lapierre continued.

Brooks watched Lapierre wiggle his eyebrows suggestively and that was it, he dropped his gloves and sent his fist into the asshole’s face. Lapierre slid backwards before falling to the ice. Brooks gave a look back as he stormed off the ice, not even waiting to be kicked out of the game.

The arena was silent as they checked on Lapierre, but Brooks went straight to the dressing room and got undressed and flipped his phone open, dialing McPhee. “I think I need more time.”

McPhee laughed sarcastically. “Well, I think you just bought yourself a few games.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Mind telling me what happened out there?” George asked.

“I can’t really explain it. He said something and I just snapped,” Brooks confessed.

“Brooks, I asked you if you were ready, offered you more time,” George explained. “If you needed it-“

“I thought I was ready. I was cleared to play, I felt ready.”

“If you need more time after the suspension, don’t second guess it. We can’t afford this and neither can you.” George said, not bothering to sugar coat anything.

“I understand,” Brooks answered.

Brooks went home instead of waiting for the game to end. He took a nap and woke up when Marcus came in the door. “Are you mad?” Brooks asked.

“At you? No, but I am kind of wondering why you did that,” Marcus said. It wasn’t angry like McPhee, so Brooks relaxed a little before answering.

“He was chirping me and I flipped out,” Brooks sighed. “I don’t know if he meant it as a slur or was just being a dick, but I just freaked out.”

“So you punched him? You knocked him out, as well as some teeth,” Marcus stated. He still wasn’t as bad as talking to McPhee, but Brooks was beginning to hate his boyfriend.

“He lost teeth?” Brooks asked, not the question he should be asking. “Is he alright?”

“Physically, he’s alright. From what they can tell, no lasting damage besides the teeth, but he has no idea why you attacked him. Not that anyone believes he’s innocent.”

“I booked a session with Victoria. I’m going to start seeing her again,” Brooks said. “I don’t know what happened, but I obviously need help still.”

Marcus didn’t say anything after that, he nodded and sat down. “You’re okay, though?” he asked. Brooks nodded, resting his head on Marcus’ shoulder.

\--------

“So, Brooks. I heard you had a little bit of trouble yesterday,” Victoria said, sticking to the point.

Brooks nodded. “I’m suspended four games.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“At least that’s four games I don’t have to explain my absence for.”

“Is that really how you feel, Brooks?” She asked.

Brooks lowered his head. “Yes. I just, I feel fine and when I was out there I felt great. But then- Lapierre was talking to me, calling me ginger and saying I wanted him-“

“You think he was calling you gay?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Brooks answered. “At the time, yes. Now I’m not so sure he wasn’t just running his mouth.”

“Is he known for running his mouth?”

“Yes, it’s pretty much his right to hockey. I messed up, okay? I’m sorry. I thought I was ready and I fucked up,” Brooks sighed, placing his head in his hands.

“It’s okay, Brooks, let it out,” Victoria offered. “How was the game, apart from that?”

“Great,” Brooks answered, perking up a bit. “We were winning, I was getting good ice time, got some shots. I felt alive and fresh, strong.” Brooks continued. Victoria noted the small smile on his face, talking about playing.

“Do you think maybe you thought you were ready because you were physically ready, but the excitement let you forget about your emotional stability and how that might come into play?” she asked. Brooks nodded silently. “What are you thinking about?”

“That I fucked up.” Brooks answered honestly. “I wanted to play too badly, I didn’t think about what could happen.”

“Brooks, it’s okay. You’re an athlete, it’s your job to play hockey,” She assured him. “And it’s my job to make sure you remember you’re also human. Keep writing your journal and try to practice handling situations like last night’s game better, okay?”  Brooks nodded.

She gave him a few more strategies to help him out more and told him to be honest with himself - something they both knew he wasn’t doing.

\--------

When he got home, Brooks told Marcus everything they talked about. It was something that made both of them feel better.  

Marcus kissed Brooks on the cheek, bringing him in, against his chest. It was kind of weird to Brooks, that being held like that by a twenty-one year old felt so comforting, so safe. 

“What are you thinking about?” Marcus asked. Brooks sighed, relaxing into Marcus’ body. “You,”

“Yeah?” Marcus pushed. “What about me?”

“You make a good pillow,” Brooks said. Marcus looked at him, a little concerned until Brooks cracked a smile. “It feels good to have you around me, holding me. And you smell nice today,” he added, shifting to kiss Marcus.

Kissing Marcus was always nice. They could just kiss lazily and not even care. But Marcus wanted to talk, not make out. It was kind of a bummer, but Brooks accepted it and sat back. “What do you want to do tonight?” Marcus asked.

Brooks shrugged. “Movie, dinner?”

Marcus laughed, “Would it kill you to be more creative with dates?”

“I’m an old-fashioned guy, Marcus. Get used to it.”

“You’re old, alright,” Marcus teased. The seven years between them still bothered Brooks, though he tried not to let it show. When they were together, it didn’t matter how old they were. Every birthday reminded him though, not just their birthdays. Sasha was turning twenty-eight, which reminded Brooks that he would be twenty-nine in just a few months and Marcus wouldn’t be turning twenty-two until the next season had already started.

“Brooks?” Marcus asked, Brooks could hear the worry in his voice. “I didn’t mean-“

“It’s alright, Marcus,” Brooks said, playfully. “I am old.” Marcus waited for Brooks to continue with…something. What he didn’t expect was for Brooks to prop his feet on his thigh with a smirk. “Need you to take care of me, right? “

Marcus rolled his eyes, but started rubbing Brooks’ feet mindlessly as they continued to talk.

“Mike wanted to have lunch with us tomorrow, if you’re game,” Marcus mentioned. It slipped his mind earlier, with everything else going on.

“Sure,” Brooks smiled. Brooks was glad Marcus didn’t feel threatened by Mike anymore. There was no threat; Brooks didn’t have those feelings for him anymore. Not since he realized that he loved Marcus.

\---- ----

Brooks still went to the gym, practiced with the team, and had lunch with Marcus and sometimes Mike or some of the other guys. The only difference was not playing actual games, which he was used to by now.

He apologised to the media for his attack on Lapierre, saying he lost his temper. Nobody really questioned it, but he’s sure they wanted to. How could they not? He hadn’t really answered any questions, just that he was sorry.

Brooks watched the games from the press box, just like he had before. Same thing for every game, but it was nice. He got to watch them play and rest his head a little. He couldn’t help notice some of the people watching him write in his journal. It was just an old notebook, so it probably didn’t look that strange, but Brooks felt uncomfortable, either way.

He took a walk in the hall of the arena and went to the restroom and just sat in a stall for a minute or two, book in hand. He took his pen and wrote “Game Notes” on the cover so he had an excuse as to why he was writing.

 He thought about going back, but the period had just started and he didn’t really want to sit up there. So he started reading the beginning of it, entries from not long after he went over the edge.

_“Marcus is making me write this, but I don’t get how it will help. I’m doing it because I love him.”_ Is what started the book off. In the second entry, Brooks started to talk aboutdreams. Dreams that were first about Mike and that confused him- as his writing suggested- but the dreams turned into Marcus. They were dreams where Marcus pinned him down and pushed into him, kisses sloppy and hot. Brooks remembered the dreams in his head as he read the pages.

Brooks hadn’t even noticed how hard he was, just reading about it. It’s wasn’t overly surprising, he hadn’t had sex since before he got out of the hospital. He felt guilty that he was hard in the VC restroom; thinking about his teammate - no, his boyfriend, but he couldn’t help it. The game was bad on his nerves and he pushed the guilt away as he pushed his pants open.

Soft sounds escaped his throat, but nothing more as Brooks shut his eyes and pictured Marcus on top of him. He swirled his hand around his cock, teasing himself slightly before going all out, stroking his cock hard and fast. Energy flowing through his whole body, nerves firing, he bit his lip as he came into his hand. It was intense and short lived. Brooks took a minute before cleaning himself up and got back to the game.

Nobody seemed to really be aware that he missed an entire fifteen minutes, but Brooks just sat back and watched the game. _“I masturbated at VC to thoughts of Marcus fucking me_ ” was the last sentence he wrote in his journal.


	3. Out of the Question

The last two games went by a little slowly; three days apart. Brooks was getting antsy, but in a good way. He’d been seeing Victoria regularly and talking to Marcus. He even stayed over a few nights.

Brooks was asked into George’s office to talk about if he should play or not. “Are you ready?”

Brooks thought about it, listened to the voice of Lapierre before he answered. “I’m ready. I know I am, George.” McPhee didn’t say anything, just nodded with a smile.

Marcus was waiting for Brooks outside of McPhee’s office. “Can you play?”

Brooks smiled and gave Marcus a kiss. They tried not to kiss in public - especially at the rink - but it was just a peck and pretty much everyone on the team knew about them by now. “You’re ready this time?” Marcus asked.

“I am.”

“I’m glad,” Marcus said. “It’ll be good to see you back.”

Brooks nodded, “I can’t wait,” he said.

They ended up back at Brooks’ for dinner and a movie, which Brooks had hoped would lead to some making out and possibly more. Sex was out of the question this close to a game, especially it being Brooks’ first game back.

They could do other things though. Hand jobs or a little mouth action never hurt anyone’s game, right? Only, once dinner was over and the video was done, Marcus gave Brooks a quick kiss and went home.

Why didn’t Marcus want to be with him anymore? Brooks had no idea why Marcus was acting like this – like he wasn’t attracted to Brooks anymore. Maybe he wasn’t?

They still made out though, still got hot and heavy. They just didn’t have sex. Maybe Marcus thought he was doing it for Brooks’ own good? It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to Brooks anymore; he didn’t want to hurt him. That made total sense, especially before a game.

Brooks opened his computer and searched for porn to get him off. Brooks wondered if it was wrong that he favoured the videos with some kind of discipline or restraints. Maybe he would ask Victoria, but maybe that would be awkward.

Brooks shut his mind off and opened his pants. The bottom in the video was practically screaming in pleasure and the sounds went straight to Brooks’ dick. He came rather quickly, but what can you expect when he hasn’t had sex since before his rehab. By now, he had reacquainted his hand with all the right areas so he wasted no time getting off when he needed it.

Brooks shut his computer down and crawled into his bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

\---- ----

The next day, Brooks grabbed his gear and headed to the rink. What he didn’t expect was to get there and have the guys standing in front of his stall with a banner – clearly painted by Mike – that welcomed him back.

It was a truly heartwarming gesture that had Brooks almost in tears. After everything that happened, they still had his back. After hugs from all the guys, Brooks had a permanent smile on his face as he got ready to get on the ice.

The skate was great – knowing it would actually end in him playing a game made it even better. Knowing his team had his back made it the best team in the world.

The Leafs won 3-2 because of a bogus penalty shot. It was grounding for Brooks, but the team played well and more importantly, Brooks didn’t have a freak out. He felt good and played well.

Marcus came back to Brooks’ place and they went straight for the bed room. This is it, Brooks thought. Finally, he’d earned his right to sex! Only, Marcus wasn’t undressing - just kissing and groping. Brooks arched up and Marcus unzipped him, pushing his hand inside Brooks’ pants.

Brooks moaned, craving more contact, more sex. Marcus started going faster, kissing Brooks’ neck and mouth as Brooks bucked into his fist. Brooks moaned Marcus’ name, urging him to move things forward, but instead it urged Marcus to stroke faster. “Want you,” Brooks groaned, kissing up to Marcus’ jaw. “Want you, too,” Marcus moaned back.

Brooks tried pulling Marcus in with his leg, but he didn’t budge. They just kept kissing, stroking, and grinding and it was driving Brooks crazy until he screamed, releasing into Marcus’ hand. The buildup was too strong and Brooks didn’t know what to say to Marcus. He tried to get him to stay, but Marcus gave him a kiss and left.

Brooks waited a couple minutes before shouting at the top of his lungs – frustrated by not even knowing why Marcus wouldn’t sleep with him. It would be different if he knew, but Marcus gave him nothing in the way of reason. Maybe he was just tired from the game?

Brooks waited before he talked to Victoria about Marcus. The games were going well and they were still spending time with each other, but there was no sex.

Brooks wasn’t a sex-maniac – it wasn’t that he craved it at every possible second, but when he’s been with someone – and they’ve had sex before – there are things he wished would happen between them that just haven’t been happening. And things would be different if he knew why they weren’t happening. So, it wasn’t that all Brooks wanted was sex – he just wanted to know why it was apparently out of the question.


	4. Just Tell Me

Victoria thought he should just ask Marcus – that Marcus may not even notice that he had doing it. How could that be, though? How do you not notice not having sex? Unless you weren’t really having sex that much to begin with, but they kind of did. Well, if they had a chance before

Talking to Victoria helped, but Brooks decided to wait to talk to Marcus and see if things changed. She wasn’t too happy with his decision, but it was his choice. If things didn’t change, he would talk to Marcus, but there was no reason to bring it up yet.

Brooks’ time on ice was increasing as the coach started trusting him a little more with every shift. He wasn’t a top-liner, but he was playing enough to be satisfied.

The guys wanted to go to a bar after a win, but this time Marcus told them no. This was it, Brooks thought. They won, everyone played well - how could this not be it?

They went back to Brooks' once again and Marcus sat on the couch with him, only leaving a tiny space between them. "It was a good game tonight," Brooks started, trying to break the ice.

"Yeah, everyone played well tonight. It must feel good to be getting more time," Marcus replied.

Brooks smirked at that, this was his lead in. "I can think of something that feels better, though," he winked. Marcus raised an eyebrow, waiting for Brooks to continue.

Brooks closed the space between them and pressed his lips to Marcus' neck, "You feel so much better," he whispered, nipping at Marcus' ear. But instead of the whine or purr he was expecting, Marcus pulled back.

Brooks frowned, not getting it. "Marcus?" Brooks tried, but Marcus just stared at him.

"What the fuck?" Brooks groaned. "Marcus, if you don't like me, just say it, okay?" He shouted. "I'm not a little kid. If you're not interested, fine. Stop fucking around with me, though, you're making things worse."

When Marcus didn't respond, Brooks lost it a bit more. "Jesus fuck, Marcus! At least have the balls to admit it. I fucked up, I know I did, but you took me back and if you're having second thoughts or aren't attracted to me now that I'm apparently crazy, then just man up and tell me," he continued. "Do you know how much it hurts to be rejected day after day by your boyfriend? I try to stay positive, but you keep leading me on and then nothing. It actually hurts, Marcus," he admitted.

"I-" Marcus paused. "I didn't want to rush you."

"Bullshit," Brooks called. "You'd get all hot and heavy, and then just jerk me off. This wasn't about rushing anything."

"Brooks, just calm down," Marcus tried. Brooks laughed and shook his head, but Marcus stopped him, held his hand. "I was worried that if we had sex too soon that you wouldn't be ready."

"What do you mean 'not ready'?" Brooks asked, unconvinced.

"I mean, if you weren't ready to bring our relationship to that level, that you would regress. You've made a lot of progress and you're playing again, I didn't want to ruin that for you."

"If that's the case, why'd you jack me off and leave?" Brooks asked.

"I didn't mean to," Marcus admitted. "I didn't mean to take it that far, but I got carried away and when I realized, I didn't want you to feel forced to do it for me."

"So you just left, just like that?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I was worried about you, I didn't want to bring things up too soon or get too physical."

"What about you?" Brooks asked. "You have needs, don't you?"

Marcus blushed. "I've kind of been spending a lot of time with my hand," he admitted.

"A lot?" Brooks smiled.

"At least once a day, more depending on how much we saw each other," Marcus answered. His cheeks heated up very fast as Brooks smiled at him.

"What did you think about?" Brooks asked.

"You, mostly," Marcus answered quietly.

"Mostly?" Brooks raised his eyebrow.

"Um, my mind wandered once or twice, I guess," Marcus shrugged. Brooks wouldn't have that, though, and moved closer to Marcus and stared at him.

"Wandered where?" Brooks asked, lowering his voice.

"Just, um, places," Marcus tried.

"What kind of places?" Brooks asked.

"Not important," Marcus deflected.

"I'll get you to tell me, you know that?" Brooks warned.

Marcus just stared at him, waiting for his next move. Then he saw the twinkle in Brooks' eye. "I'll suck your dick if you tell me," Brooks offered with a growl. Marcus just stared, challenging Brooks to try.

He didn't have to blink twice before Brooks was on his knees and unzipping Marcus' jeans in effort to get him to talk. He did it slowly, teasingly. Brooks knew how to work him to the point of desperation and he wasn't showing any mercy on Marcus.

"Brooks, okay, fuck," Marcus choked out, bucking up helplessly. "I'll tell you, just, fuck. Please, Brooks," he whined.

Brooks had other plans, though. He held Marcus' cock in his hand and moved up his body so he was level with him. "Tell me first and I'll make you see stars," Brooks offered.

Marcus liked to think he was a reasonable guy. Brooks was less of a reasonable guy and usually had ways of getting what he wanted - strength and a weakness. In this case, it was definitely a strength of his.

Marcus bit his lip to try and make an effort to at least sound coherent, but Brooks seemed very against that idea and started nipping at his neck and moaning his name impatiently.

Marcus squeezed his eyes shut and groaned out "Ovi" in a strangled voice. He felt Brooks flinch for a second before he was back down, keeping his promise. Before another coherent thought entered his mind, Marcus came, almost taking his breath away.

The next thing Marcus knew, Brooks was against his side, resting his head on his shoulder. Marcus closed his eyes, hoping Brooks would let it go.

"I can't believe you thought about fucking Ovi," Brooks chuckled. Marcus groaned and lifted his head off the pillow, "I didn't say I was fucking him," he corrected.

That caught Brooks' attention. "What do you mean?"

"Like I said, my mind wandered. I didn't say where."

"So, what? He fucked you?" Brooks asked. Marcus had to give it to him, Brooks actually sounded hurt.

"Sometimes," Marcus answered. "Sometimes he fucked you. You even fucked him once," Marcus fed. Brooks stared blankly; finally beat at his own game.

"Why Ovi?" Brooks asked.

"He's big, strong, and rough around the edges? My type, I guess," Marcus teased playfully.

Brooks pouted, but lay back down. "Did you ever imagine me topping you?" Brooks asked after a minute.

"Yeah," Marcus answered with a small smile. Their relationship hadn't been the longest in the world, but Brooks only topped once. And really, it was only because Marcus told him to.

"Would that be something you would want, maybe?" Brooks asked, quieter than before.

"Sometimes, yeah," Marcus replied, "If you want to," he added.

"Yeah," Brooks nodded.


End file.
